The last couple of weeks have been…trying.
Along with an unexpected death in the family, I ran out of weed and decided not to re-up. I wanted my mental clarity back- I was feeling really dumb. And honestly, this has been the easiest time I’ve ever had trying to give it up, compared to times in the past. I did get some vials of CBD oil, which seemed to help. The verdict is still out however, whether they actually helped, or it was just psychosomatic. Whatever the case, it seemed to help me get over the hump. You know, that hump of wanting to stab everyone that talks to you, especially the husband who is irritating as fuck. So this is the first time since about 2006 that I’ve been this sober for this long. I feel like I got my brain back. It’s been hard getting my butt in my chair to write, without being stoned. I will admit that. That’s been challenging. Writing is so much easier when you’re stoned, although you tend to really mess up your tenses like a motherfucker, haha. And the dreamscape- holy shit, I’ve had the craziest dreams since I stopped smoking- I perhaps always had crazy dreams but didn’t remember them due to the weed. Well, I remember them now and they are INSANE. You know the kind that were so emotional and trying that it sticks with you throughout the day? Yeah, me no likey.
I’ve also completely pivoted with my business- wiped my website last week, and am now designing something completely different. I am so burnt out from social media-ing, and pushing products, and myself. Ack. I’m such an introvert, and people can suck it.
Instead, I’m diving deep into my book worlds- I’m focusing on my YA fantasy at the moment. The more truer to life stripper book is on hold at the moment. At least I get sick of my fantasy world.
I hope everyone is having a decent spring- here in the Northeast, we’re still waiting for the warm weather to stick. *rolls eyes*