Wedding Zilla

Hey Captains,

You know what I’ve never been into? Having a giant, expensive elaborate wedding. Nope. I have never wanted to be bothered with all that shit.

And my God! Women go absolutely fucking nuts over planning their wedding. Is it a special day? Absolutely. Do you need to blow thousands of dollars and take on all that stress, for 1 fucking day? Absolutely not.

My first wedding cost around $500. My second one was about $1,000. Most of that being the cost of the rings. We got married by a Judge, in a town hall, and then went to my bro-in-law’s burger joint for the reception. I had a fucking burger after I got married. It was chill as fuck, and it was great.

I just can’t justify spending that much money, and that much time and stress for just one day. That’s insane. Most of the time spent and stress created by wedding planning is to benefit the fucking guests, not the bride and groom to be! That doesn’t make any sense- isn’t it their wedding?

So my advice- ditch the expensive annoying shit and just keep it simple- maybe one of your friends is a certified officiant (whatever that term is) and can marry you in a simple backyard ceremony. You’ll be surrounded by family and friends, you’ll get married, have some delicious homemade food and you won’t be thousands of dollars in debt. Over 1 day. 1 day, people. All that, for one fucking day. Don’t do it.

Keep it real.

AK

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