Celibacy is for the birds

Hey Captains,

Yesterday was a long day. I was so unmotivated, and restless. I hate that combination. I’m so uninspired, I don’t feel like working on anything to do with my side hustle….yet I still went to the gym (thank you countability buddies!) and I did feel better afterward.

I was home alone for a few hours, which was fantastic- I managed to schedule a few social media posts concerning my side hustle and create a little more. I loved having him out of the house for a bit- I felt like I could think once again. I guess when I come home and he’s already on the couch, drinking, the addict in me rises up and just wants to join him. Not good, guys.

I’m still waffling a bit on leaving. Whatever I decide, I won’t be ready for at least another year. Some nights, i am so ready to walk out, and then other nights, especially when we have dinner with his parents and there’s such sane, sensible upper middle class conversation, I feel nuts for even thinking about it. I would stand to lose so much. But for the price of my soul? Not willing to bargain.

In the meantime, I think I’m just going to have a good old fashioned affair. Find me someone to hook up with on the side, and get laid with more frequency than the current pace. I feel like I’m going to lose my mind if I don’t reconnect with my sexuality.

As many faults as my ex-husband had while we were together, his willingness to “loan me out” to better fuckers was one that I miss dearly. Man, I wish the current husband was into sharing.

-AK

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